The Pirate Librarian

Ahoy there, ye Spraguey seafarers! It be Pirate Day since the Homecoming Theme be 'Treasure Island' - and I be dressed to the hilt with a fine piratey shirt ('borrowed' from me son with the assistance of his fine wench) and me black pants tucked into the top of blue slouch boots, with pen, pencil and paper from the laces dangling from me shirt, just in case the Cap'n be needing some spellifyin' in the log book. I wear me leather frog (def. 3: a belt to hold a sword or weapon), but not allowed the steel, I wield today a razor sharp wit and keenness to learn. I bring on board me Pirate Dictionary and remindin' the lads and lassies that 'All Pirates Read Banned Books' since this still be 'Banned Book Week.' This here be the 2nd of October, with winter off the port side and the books still feeding the crew's noggins! I be on the lookout for the shipmates carrying Algebra Connections V1 and here the corsairs come and we make a trade for V2, Fair winds to them all! One of the lassies says her CD should be keelhauled and I track her down to ascertain the place said CD has taken the scurvey - but I dredge through it and spot no taint to the disc. Another mate comes in with a new student handle and I change the ships record. Some new sea rats come aboard and I put them on the roster. There be Of Mice and Men aboard so I process them and stow them below decks. I empty the last cask of Permabound books, aye, the crew should like this one, Pay it Forward, and heave it up on the counter to be processed. The stowage be gettin' in the way of the computer hands, so I handsomely haul the unprocessed science books out of their way. Lists from the other Pirate Librarians pillaging the sea of knowledge send scrolls of books they claim we have as swag. That be no way to treat our fellow salts. I be no blaggard! So I take a lookout for La Dama del Alba, off the Spanish Main, but though I enjoin me hearties to help, not a spot of her we find. Gangway! Beowulf has landed on board and I smartly turn to and begin to process the ancient deeds. Dead men do tell tales, and we have the book booty to prove it! I pipe in to Beowulf's bosun that his treasure be here. I see a fellow shipmate waving the Jolly Roger down the halls heading' aft, and some mighty fine pirates comin' in to the library durin' the watch. I be off now for shore leave, climbin' into me jollyboat, though some say I'm just a little dinghy. A hearty 'Yo-ho-ho and Godspeed' to all who sail the good ship Sprague today! (Thanks to the Pirate Dictionary - Tide-mark Press)